Hypotonia = Happiness?

Patrick is happy like most (if not all) the kids I personally know, so nothing to be amazed about it here. He didn't enjoy much to be around toddlers, but he would get along very well with people that were on his same speed. I think most parents get to hear from other people that our children are "good", "smart", "cute", "big", and "happy" kids. But I not only get to hear that about Patrick, but also, people constantly comment with amusement, about his very own personality, stating they haven't met a kid so "content, laid back, warm, smiley, sweet and easy going" as Patrick is.

Patrick had just met his auntie from Mexico

Meeting our friends from Florida for first time

1st time meeting great auntie!

Even then, I always thought this was the case for most kids. But then as I started reading blogs and forums about children with hypotonia, one thing that every parent always said about their daughter or son was: "She/he is always happy, the happiest, laid back kid I know". Most of them, had 3, 4, 5 children, and somehow, of all their children, the one with hypotonia seemed to be the happiest one. So, if there is something special about their condition, that makes them more content, laid back, warm, smiley, sweet and easy going than "normal" kids, what is it?

So here I'm trying to come up with an answer. Below are some thoughts.

• Kids with physical disadvantages appear to behave better.

At a restaurant in Mexico

Since Patrick was a baby we used to go to the store, to my husband's office and mine, on airplane rides, to restaurants, to Church, and all sort of public places, and Patrick would behave like a pro. He would sit next to me or dad, and just be there, for long periods of times, looking at his surroundings without making a fuzz. If someone looked at him, he immediately returned smiles. Then people would say what a "content and happy" kid he was, with such wonder that they would even compare him to their children or grandchildren and say "they are nothing like him".

He smiled for Passport Pic!

At Church, during his Baptism

Well, reality is, Patrick couldn't walk, nor cruise with support, and hated to crawl, so all he was able to do was to sit and... smile!

• Kids with physical disadvantages are reprimanded less.

Kids with physical disadvantages tend to stay out of trouble, but it isn't a personal choice. Patrick was 15 months old and he couldn't climb on the table, or run at the store, try to get down from the highchair at the restaurant, climb the stairs, take all his toys from the containers and make a mess... like most kids his age were doing. So he was already 15 months old and he didn't get to hear from his parents "stop it", "don't do that!", "you are going to get grounded!", "time out!", "behave!", "time out!", "just sit and eat your food!", "time out!"... like most kids his age were. 

All we ever scold him about, was when he pulled girls hair, and even then, he would get away with it. I remember a few times, while playing with his friend Jackie (who is 3 months older than him) Patrick would sit (later on stand with support) in one spot and play with whatever toy that was within reach. Jackie would crawl (and later on, walk) close to him, and Patrick would pull her hair. Then I would say: "Patrick, don't pull her hair!" and would separate them. Then, few minutes later, Jackie would pass by near him again, and Patrick would, of course, pull the hair again. But this time, before I said anything to Patrick, Jackie's mom would say something like "Jackie, stop it, you are going there on purpose!"

So, as you can see, Patrick rarely got to be reprimanded. When we are kids and misbehave, we get scolded by our parents, and we are so naive that we think they don't love us for that brief time. Well, Patrick rarely got to be reprimanded, therefore, he rarely got to feel that lack of love from us, so perhaps that made him "happier" than most kids his age.

• Parents of children with physical disadvantages tend to cherish more their milestones.

We all get excited when our kids learn to smile, sit, crawl, walk, talk and so forth. But, when they reach a milestone that you know it took them more effort and time to accomplish than other kids his age, you simply cherish it more than usual. Think of when you accomplish something at work or around the house, for example. If it is something relatively easy, or at least something that most people could do, you get happy when is accomplished. But, when is something that not many in your circumstances would do, (like because you are young, or because you have 4 children, or because it required a skill and/or knowledge you do not posses) don't you feel proud of yourself, extremely happy, satisfied beyond words, and just feel like celebrating? 

Patrick has been walking for over a month now, and I still get to drop a tear or two when he does it. Happy tears, of course. And then I feel like hugging him and kissing him and telling him how proud and happy he makes me. He gets that a lot from me, way more than the usual. So maybe, he can feel that extra joy in mommy, and don't we all feel happier, when the people around us constantly are? And aren't we the happiest, when we know their happiness is due to us?

• Special treatment from parents.

I have to admit that in some instances Patrick gets extra "benefits" simply because of his condition. One thing is bed time. Patrick learned to sleep on his own at a very young age, at night and during naps. If he was tired, he would sleep in my arms, on the couch, on his bed... wherever I laid him down. Of course, he had his favorite place to fall asleep: near mommy and daddy. Patrick LOVES laying down with mommy and daddy, and not only to sleep, but just to chill. A friend of ours that saw Patrick on Tim's lap, just relaxing and cuddling for a long period of time, told us she wished her daughter (same age) would still do that, but the girl is always on the move, just like other toddlers. 

When we found out about Patrick's health issues, we tried to show him "extra love" in the way he enjoyed the most: Cuddling with us. And so he started to sleep with us during special occasions. But then anything was a special occasion: His birthday party, his actual birthday, his MRI, his Neurologist appointment, vaccines, his Early Intervention Services evaluation, Christmas, New Year's, mommy's birthday, vacation in Mexico, vacation in the Midwest .. and all of that happened between October and December. So by the time January was here, and we had learned that Patrick's situation was better than expected, (and he was getting too big, too mobile and too old to sleep in our bed) we decided it was time for Patrick to stop sleeping with us. Except, he didn't want to stop. So, it has been a long journey to get him to sleep in his bed by himself. He is good sometimes, but bad some others. It wasn't so important at first, but now that there is a baby on the way, I know is crucial that he learns to fall asleep on his own. 

So yes, perhaps kids with disadvantages, whatever they may be, get to be spoiled a bit more just because of their conditions, and so they have extra reasons to be happier than their siblings and friends. I try to avoid this, because I don't want him to grow like a spoiled little kid, and also, I want him to know that he is just like any other kid, so "special" treatments aren't allowed. Unfortunately, as you can see, we not always succeed.

• It's just a coincidence.

It may be that all the reasons above have nothing to do with their particular happiness, but rather is just a matter of personality. And maybe, it is merely a coincidence that most kids with hypotonia or any other disadvantage happen to have this type of personality.

However, I want to point out, that this "special" happiness and laid back personality have been slowly disappearing from Patrick as he improves his low muscle tone. He is still a very happy boy, but it's just more... "normal-like". The comments from people on the street now limit sometimes to "he is cute" and "he is big". The people that took care of him for a day when we were at Tim's reunion party, referred to him as a "escape artist". He is now on the move, so now we have to rush out of restaurants, I can only shop few things at a time at the grocery store, we have to sit at the "family room" at church, and I'm constantly tiding up and toddler proofing my house.


Now, of course, he gets to hear more constantly from his parents: "be quiet!" "stop it!", "don't do that!", "behave!", "time out!", "time out!", "time out!".