A few weeks ago Patrick had a play date at the house. At some point, Patrick saw pretzels on the counter and he asked for it: Paqui wants Patses (meaning Patrick wants Pretzels -occasionally he still refers to himself in third person). One of his friends asked me what was Patrick saying, and when I told him, he said "Why did he say it like that? Why is he saying patses?" Patrick just looked at him and stopped talking, I could tell he became aware he wasn't speaking right and got shy. This caught me off guard, so I just said something like "Because everyone says things different... I think that's a fun way to say it" and I moved on, giving everyone pretzels.
Later that day, my husband got home from work and we went out to eat. On the way there, I talked to my husband about the incident, and we talked about a few other issues relating to Patrick's therapies. I honestly believed the kids were not paying attention to what we were talking. Once we got to the restaurant and my husband tried to get Patrick out of his carseat, Patrick turned his head away from his dad and avoided looking at him from then on. My husband immediately knew that Patrick had heard the conversation and he was feeling either embarrassed or upset, or both.
That weekend we went to see a theater play for children, but Patrick was very sensitive. He cried a lot and asked to leave when he saw all the people. We were able to convince him to stay and eventually he enjoyed the show, but he had to sit on my lap the whole time. On Monday he had Ocupational and Speech Therapy. We were told that the gym they usually work on was being used, so they had to go to a different one. Big mistake.
He threw a fit. He had an absolute meltdown and cried for so long. It was hard for the two therapists and myself to calm him down. We had to do a lot of negotiating with him to eventually get him to cooperate and play at the session. I had to stay with them the whole time. He began to enjoy the therapy the last 10 minutes or so, but then it was time to leave. Another big mistake. He began to scream and throw things and cry. He didn't want to leave, but he didn't want to be there either. He began to run around the hallways crying out loud. The therapist and myself were trying to reach him to calm him down but it was impossible. He found an empty gym and so he ran across that room, to the opposite corner, where he found a place to hide and once in there, he threw himself on the floor and just cried. He cried and cried and cried. I had never seen him like that. He wasn't throwing a fit, this was different. I could see my son hurting, I could see my son suffering and crying his heart out.
I let him cry for a little awhile. I knew he needed to get it out, whatever it was that was making him sad, and given that his speech is limited, and hitting people or things isn't really his thing, I figured tears would do it for him. He then was able to come with me and leave that place. I couldn't wait to leave the place. He left for school OK and he was calmed the rest of the day, but he was a little sad, too.
On Tuesday we had therapy again. The therapist made sure the usual gym was available this time, so he was able to go in by himself. At the end when the therapist came to talk to me about what they worked on during the session, Patrick got upset and started to push his brother and grabbed a trash can and threw everything out. He was running and pushing things, just trying to grab my attention I guess. He was very upset that I was talking to his therapist. We had been doing this for 4 months now, and never had a problem like this.
Couple days later we went to try out one of the MyGym classes for toddlers. Patrick was a nightmare there. At first he didn't want to participate on anything. Once he was comfortable enough, he began to push things, he wasn't listening to me much, he was playing rough, and when it was time to leave, he had another meltdown. He cried for a long time. I'm a short person, and Patrick is a 4 year old boy who is actually on the tall side, so controlling his crazy movements isn't precisely easy. It's winter time so there I'm trying to put his shoes on, jacket on, gloves, hats, and do the same with his brother but it's impossible. I'm completely on the floor trying to control my child. Parents come and go and I can tell everyone is giving us the look. It's Thursday and it's been like this all week. Complete meltdowns Every.Single.Day. At this point I'm emotionally exhausted.
What's happening to my son?
We talked to his teacher and the therapists about this new behavior. By "mistake" we attended a support group for parents of children with Sensory Processing Issues (I will talk about this on my next post) so we talk to those parents about this, too. My husband and I talk about all of this over and over trying to figure out what to do. Also, we recently began to watch the TV Show Parenthood -and coincidentally we watched the episode where the parents realize is time to talk to their child about his Asperger Syndrome and asked the psychologist for help. Everything above got us to the conclusion that it was time to talk to Patrick about his challenges.
It became obvious that he is now self aware that there are a few things that he can't do like everyone else. It's obvious that his behavior is telling us that it's bothering him, so we need to talk to him about it. But it's also obvious that he is just a 4 year old and we don't want to burden him with information he may not only not be able to process, but also that may make him too self-conscious and with low self-stem. We are told we need to talk to him, but it has to be very informal, very short, very basic, and in a very loving way. I mustn't cry when we talk so perhaps is best his dad says something. And he does.
While I'm serving dinner, I overheard his dad asking him why he thinks he goes to "fun class" (therapies), Patrick doesn't answer. My husband tells him "We all have things that we are good at, and things we need to practice more. You need to practice your speech a little, but you will be fine in no time because Ms. Morgan and Ms. Kristin will help you with that. Maybe Robbie some day will need to go to fun class, too. There are things you can do better than Robbie, and things Robbie can do better than you, and that's OK, we all are constantly learning. We are so proud of how hard you work and we love you very much."
Patrick only said OK. He acted like he didn't care much about that talk, but he did. I know it, because the meltdowns disappeared after that. We understand now that he has difficulty controlling his emotions, or knowing how to react and what to do with his feelings. I know, too, that he will have more episodes like this one as he grows and new feelings arise. But my mental attitude will be different. I won't let negative thoughts get the best of me. I'm my son's biggest support, and if I'm not 100%, how can he be 100%? I won't worry about what is about to come. For now, he knows we got his back and we love him, and he knows we believe he is perfect just the way he is. He knew all this before, too, but sometimes he will need to be reminded, and that's OK, because we are his parents, and this is what we do.
Later that day, my husband got home from work and we went out to eat. On the way there, I talked to my husband about the incident, and we talked about a few other issues relating to Patrick's therapies. I honestly believed the kids were not paying attention to what we were talking. Once we got to the restaurant and my husband tried to get Patrick out of his carseat, Patrick turned his head away from his dad and avoided looking at him from then on. My husband immediately knew that Patrick had heard the conversation and he was feeling either embarrassed or upset, or both.
That weekend we went to see a theater play for children, but Patrick was very sensitive. He cried a lot and asked to leave when he saw all the people. We were able to convince him to stay and eventually he enjoyed the show, but he had to sit on my lap the whole time. On Monday he had Ocupational and Speech Therapy. We were told that the gym they usually work on was being used, so they had to go to a different one. Big mistake.
He threw a fit. He had an absolute meltdown and cried for so long. It was hard for the two therapists and myself to calm him down. We had to do a lot of negotiating with him to eventually get him to cooperate and play at the session. I had to stay with them the whole time. He began to enjoy the therapy the last 10 minutes or so, but then it was time to leave. Another big mistake. He began to scream and throw things and cry. He didn't want to leave, but he didn't want to be there either. He began to run around the hallways crying out loud. The therapist and myself were trying to reach him to calm him down but it was impossible. He found an empty gym and so he ran across that room, to the opposite corner, where he found a place to hide and once in there, he threw himself on the floor and just cried. He cried and cried and cried. I had never seen him like that. He wasn't throwing a fit, this was different. I could see my son hurting, I could see my son suffering and crying his heart out.
I let him cry for a little awhile. I knew he needed to get it out, whatever it was that was making him sad, and given that his speech is limited, and hitting people or things isn't really his thing, I figured tears would do it for him. He then was able to come with me and leave that place. I couldn't wait to leave the place. He left for school OK and he was calmed the rest of the day, but he was a little sad, too.
On Tuesday we had therapy again. The therapist made sure the usual gym was available this time, so he was able to go in by himself. At the end when the therapist came to talk to me about what they worked on during the session, Patrick got upset and started to push his brother and grabbed a trash can and threw everything out. He was running and pushing things, just trying to grab my attention I guess. He was very upset that I was talking to his therapist. We had been doing this for 4 months now, and never had a problem like this.
Couple days later we went to try out one of the MyGym classes for toddlers. Patrick was a nightmare there. At first he didn't want to participate on anything. Once he was comfortable enough, he began to push things, he wasn't listening to me much, he was playing rough, and when it was time to leave, he had another meltdown. He cried for a long time. I'm a short person, and Patrick is a 4 year old boy who is actually on the tall side, so controlling his crazy movements isn't precisely easy. It's winter time so there I'm trying to put his shoes on, jacket on, gloves, hats, and do the same with his brother but it's impossible. I'm completely on the floor trying to control my child. Parents come and go and I can tell everyone is giving us the look. It's Thursday and it's been like this all week. Complete meltdowns Every.Single.Day. At this point I'm emotionally exhausted.
What's happening to my son?
We talked to his teacher and the therapists about this new behavior. By "mistake" we attended a support group for parents of children with Sensory Processing Issues (I will talk about this on my next post) so we talk to those parents about this, too. My husband and I talk about all of this over and over trying to figure out what to do. Also, we recently began to watch the TV Show Parenthood -and coincidentally we watched the episode where the parents realize is time to talk to their child about his Asperger Syndrome and asked the psychologist for help. Everything above got us to the conclusion that it was time to talk to Patrick about his challenges.
It became obvious that he is now self aware that there are a few things that he can't do like everyone else. It's obvious that his behavior is telling us that it's bothering him, so we need to talk to him about it. But it's also obvious that he is just a 4 year old and we don't want to burden him with information he may not only not be able to process, but also that may make him too self-conscious and with low self-stem. We are told we need to talk to him, but it has to be very informal, very short, very basic, and in a very loving way. I mustn't cry when we talk so perhaps is best his dad says something. And he does.
While I'm serving dinner, I overheard his dad asking him why he thinks he goes to "fun class" (therapies), Patrick doesn't answer. My husband tells him "We all have things that we are good at, and things we need to practice more. You need to practice your speech a little, but you will be fine in no time because Ms. Morgan and Ms. Kristin will help you with that. Maybe Robbie some day will need to go to fun class, too. There are things you can do better than Robbie, and things Robbie can do better than you, and that's OK, we all are constantly learning. We are so proud of how hard you work and we love you very much."
Patrick only said OK. He acted like he didn't care much about that talk, but he did. I know it, because the meltdowns disappeared after that. We understand now that he has difficulty controlling his emotions, or knowing how to react and what to do with his feelings. I know, too, that he will have more episodes like this one as he grows and new feelings arise. But my mental attitude will be different. I won't let negative thoughts get the best of me. I'm my son's biggest support, and if I'm not 100%, how can he be 100%? I won't worry about what is about to come. For now, he knows we got his back and we love him, and he knows we believe he is perfect just the way he is. He knew all this before, too, but sometimes he will need to be reminded, and that's OK, because we are his parents, and this is what we do.
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